I've been in a state of crisis lately. That seems harsh, let's call it inevitable change. During these times, I want to fly far away into the sky, like the dragonfly. It's as if the spirit is knocking me on the head and saying "Wake Up and Listen To Me". I peer at the dragonfly and note it's little hands almost in prayer position. Hm, perhaps the spirit "is" making its presence known in my artwork as well. If nothing else, this is reassuring and I don't feel so alone during these dark nights of of the soul.
As I become more aware, less in that "asleep" state, I notice stronger signs of the spirit in Frank's blog "7 Miracles" and in Elena's "My Quest" blog. The blogs of Doris and Laura have shown how the spirit can be found in nature. And there are other blogs, many more, that I read and which sustain me on my journey. Each of these fellow bloggers seem to be in a state of evolution, searching for a deeper connectedness, and I feel I am joining them. Their words give me hope and comfort and I feel peace after I leave their sites. I feel my blog will be taking a new turn and, as a result, reflect on my daily moods and process, wherever that will lead. I am grateful for the internet, which gives me a sense of interconnectedness when I'm feeling so disconnected within myself. If I give it time, the disconnect leaves and I am then one with myself. Patience.....
When I feel loss of energy as I face the external forces outside of me, I know this is a sign to go within myself, to refresh and replenish my soul. I find myself meditating and praying and reading inspirational/spiritual books as a daily/sometimes hourly practice. These offer me peace and respite, soothing me into calmer waters. Well, my artmaking soothes me too, of course. But the healing vibes are not always there. Sure, I go into that zone which to me is a place of nothingness, but now I really want to "feel" the passion when I create. Maybe working on bigger canvases like Elena is doing will help me. To let the brush dance on bigger dimensions. To play. Ultimately, to soar high, to dance with the angels.
I danced with an angel (young artist) yesterday at the Autumn Fest. She made a card depicting a pumpkin patch. I guided her along, but she did the actual creating on the paper. It felt good, different, hopeful My heart felt blissful, seeing her glowing eyes, sharing the connection of art. She was intrigued by my artwork, and then stated that she wanted to be an artist too someday. This made my heart sing, to touch others in this way. Then I thought of a friend's comment "I would just burst out crying with happiness if someone said they loved my art". Her words jolted me for a minute and made me wonder if I had lost some of that deep joy that happens when I hear positive words. Am I taking this aspect of art and sharing for granted? Hm....
I am realizing that natural settings help me in my process. Not an office, not a classroom do I need at this moment anyway. To heal, to create, to guide others seems to work best for me when things are unstructured, when daily occurrences just happen without preconceived expectations. I feel less stress, less pressure. When life is just flowing. And perhaps just continuing to do other spiritual practices will jumpstart me as I dive deeper into my heart. Then I won't have to be squeezing my art to death, looking for clues in my creations that my spirit/heart is emerging. It's an evolution and in due time, with patience, I hope that love will overcome the fear and my heart will open wide to art, and my spirit, without inhibitions.
I feel this continues to be an ongoing process, but now recognize the need to share more deeply of it here on this blog. I can ask questions of others and observe how they walk their path in life (through blogs, for example) and that helps, taking bits and pieces of what resonates with me and filtering them through my own personal perceptions. But ultimately, in the end, it's up to me.