Monday, July 14, 2008

I ran away from myself, but I'm back

Well, I have to admit after feeling ecstasy for creating this blog and opening up more deeply of myself, I went into hibernation for several days. The creative process, and sharing of myself is such an up and down process and really does take courage, more than I thought. Though I've created many art pieces up to this point in my life, I feel like I am at a new beginning. I long for the days when my creativity flowed, when there were no barriers. But maybe that was just an illusion. My past artwork/photos are becoming distant memories and dreams of new pieces are just waiting at my fingertips. I suppose I am in hibernation stage again, with new ideas swirling in my head, yet I long to take action, to create with paint what I feel. Does it have to be perfect? My censor seems to think so. And yet, I also feel like running away, with my camera, to fill up my life with new images, new adventures. But maybe that is escaping from me. So I thought this Native American woman study that I did seems appropriate for my words here today, to sit with myself, not run away from my feelings. This watercolor painting, with pen and ink accents, is done from a statue I have in my art room. As I feel a kinship with the Southwest, she symbolizes that connection. I painted her quite recently. I feel she is sitting here with her gifts holding them, wanting to share them, yet not quite ready. Those little rocks or gems she has in her bowl reflect what is in my own heart and soul, perhaps still just dreams, holding them near me, not yet ready to let them spread their wings. I was going to share a painting I did of a woman's face showing some emotion, some pain. But then as the morning went on, I felt this particular painting spoke to me more. I want my work now to really convey a spiritual feeling, perhaps I'm trying too hard to pursue that. The woman in this painting is spiritual to me, really, and that is enough for the moment.


Tao Master said...

Very, very good and heart felt. Keep writing and painting and feeling.
TF (Taomaster Frank)

Soulsearcher said...

Thank you, Bev, for sharing your innermost feelings. Your writing sounds very authentic when you do this. My spiritual director once shared a metaphor with me that might be helpful. When a field lies fallow, we assume that nothing is happening because we cannot see anything growing there. But the reality is that a LOT is happening. The ground is renewing and refreshing itself for future growth. When I experience a lack of motivation or action, it is helpful for me to remember this. I am not really inactive, I am just lying fallow, renewing myself for things to come.
The artwork you chose is beautiful. I would love to see it in person.


Doris said...

I'm so glad you came back, your openness and honesty are beautiful.

Laura said...

Love the mystic feel to this piece Bev.